When culture creates collapse

One of the first words I learned after I'd moved to Sweden was “lagom”. It means just the right amount, not too much, not too little. Then I heard about “jantelagen” and that concept means don't stand out, don't brag, don't be different from the crowd.

Interesting to me as an outsider and newcomer, moving to Sweden from the US, where people openly talk about their achievements, their disagreements, and themselves. It was a big pendulum swing from one extreme to the other.

Which is better? Which is “right"? I don't actually have an opinion as to which is better, which is correct, or if there even is one way better than the other. 

As a native Irish woman, we have another culture there too. Definitely closer to the Swedish concepts of don't stick out too much from others, don't be too successful and definintely don't brag about it. 

The challenge I see is that what all of this “blend in with the crowd” leads to is a lack of access to the sympathetic drive in the nervous system - a healthy fight response. When the over-culture is be a “duktiga flicka” (a good girl), do the right thing, fit in, then culturally there isn't a capacity built to be with sympathetic activation. Culturally there isn't a tolerance for a healthy fight response. So what I often see then is that people default into the culturally acceptable collapse response. What this looks like is widespread burnout. Burnout is a nervous system in collapse. Burnout is very socially acceptable. Burnout is supported.

And look, I'm not saying burnout isn't real, or that those experiencing it shouldn't be supported. Of course it's real and of course I think supporting those experiencing it is very important. 

But what I am saying, is that if we step back and look at the bigger pattern. That which is coming from society, from the over-arching culture. That, is a major contributor to individuals ending up in a state of burnout.

Accessing your healthy sympathetic activation, your healthy fight response when your nervous system experiences a threat, looks like speaking up, standing out, going against the crowd. It looks like not managing by concensus in the workplace. It looks like saying “hey look at this cool thing I did, celebrate with me, not because I'm better than you, simply because I'm proud of myself, I'm happy at my success and it's ok for me to be proud, happy and successful.”

This is not a criticism of Swedish culture as an outsider, rather an observation. I think both the US and Ireland have their own cultural challenges as well. So see if you can read this piece from that persepective. When we have an overarching distaste for a healthy fight response individuals can't access it when they need it and it leads to a propagation of collapse and burnout.

And if this piece does piss you off, then that's totally valid and see what your healthy fight response feels like. Feel it in your body what it feels like to disagree with something you read.